In regard to knowledge and context

In her effort to help us to realize that context helps in understanding, my High School Spanish IV teacher told of when she was in her first year of college, she wanted so much to get top grades in her Spanish class that she looked up in a Spanish/English dictionary every single word in the first paragraph of her first reading assignment. However, there was one word that was not to be found and she became frustrated, believing that it was significant to her total comprehension. She tried looking in a different resource, but again found nothing useful in translation of the specific word. But then she went back and read the paragraph, not reading to understand each word's meaning but rather the meaning of the entire paragraph, and she got it! She understood. That one word was useful to its neighboring word but not necessary to be understood by itself. It made sense in its entire context.

Two days ago we received in the mail a notice that we needed another document in regard to registering our vehicle, so yesterday I spent my day looking for that one piece of paper amongst all the other hundreds of pieces of paper from the last two years of our lives. (Obviously, filing is not my forte. Oh well.) I used the guest bed as my desk and began making piles of past bills, insurance papers, lease contracts, etc. etc. etc. Ugh. I also made a pile of garbage and a pile of things that absolutely needed to be shredded.

I began to remember the last time I did something like this approximately three years ago, and how I let my children - I swear, under my supervision!! - shred the documents that needed to be shredded back then. I shudder to think that I did that (s -h - uh - dddddddd -e -r) because although I was watching them and they were doing it just fine and enjoying it too, my 3-year-old daughter got her little fingers stuck in the shredder. The shredder stopped, probably "thinking" it was jammed. (Thank you for heavenly help!!) My husband tried to pull those little fingers out but they were stuck, along with the papers she had tried to shred. Using logic, he pushed the reverse button, and her fingers along with the paperwork came out - a little pinched, but nonetheless just fine. (Another prayer of gratitude is needed here again!! Again. And again!)

And that one incident made me begin to think of other incidents I've failed at while raising children these past twelve years. (I almost began to list them but I have no desire to receive a call from Social Services today.) Anyway, each unpleasant incident makes me wonder, "Heavenly Father, why was I trusted with these children?" Each thing wrenches my heart and makes me sick to my stomach to even think about them ... "my child could have been stolen that time in the park," "she could have drown that night," "I might be in jail if that had gone amiss," etc. etc. And yet I don't try to do wrong by these kids. I actually do try my very best. I promise, I do.

But sometimes things go wrong. And terrible things happen - just watch the news. (And I make it a policy not to watch the news because then I can't sleep at night thinking about "what if that was my child" ... It's handicapping, so I just can't watch the news. Seriously, don't ask me about any current events.) But then I think of my own childhood. There were no laws about child car seats, no laws even about seat belts, no guidance from the pediatrician about not allowing honey before the age of 2, no bike or skateboarding helmets, no concerns about eating deli meat when you're pregnant, and there was no warning from Oprah about miniature carrots - not even available in my childhood years - but are just the right size to fit down a child's throat and clog its windpipes causing death, and again with the etc. etc. etc. Yet we all made it to adulthood. Pretty much alright, right?

But times were different then. Innocence was the context. We didn't know better and our parents didn't know any better either. Today, the standard is higher: there is more knowledge and with that greater level of knowledge comes a greater level of responsibility. Knowledge can even send me to jail. Knowledge is today's context, and so when my mom gets after me with "Oh, for Pete's sake, all 10 of my kids ate it when they were his age, and they're still alive," I have to stand on my own and reply, "Well, I'm responsible because, Mom, I know better."